The One Where Amy Changes Her Name to Chandler

There comes a point when you can no longer deny that your life would make a good reality sitcom.

And that point comes when you realize that you just did the exact same thing as a popular sitcom character. Unintentionally.

Were you a big "Friends" fan? If so, you'll remember this episode.

So, Chandler goes out on a date. He knows within moments that he does NOT want to EVER go out with this girl again. They end the date. He says goodbye. And then, without thinking, he says "I'll call you."

You can instantly see it on his face. "Oh, crap. Why did I say that!?"

And then, he has to call her. Its the right thing to do. He'll go out with her again...just one more time. He'll act uninterested. And he'll just say goodbye. He won't make the same mistake this time. So he goes out with her again. Everything according to plan. He ends the date. He says goodbye.

"I'll give you a call."

Crap. Again.

A whole episode of this. Chandler can't stop himself from saying it. Each date is torture. But each time, because he feels like its the nice thing to say, he can't prevent the words "I'll call you." from spewing out of his mouth. And it makes him miserable.

I feel his pain.

I was the unfortunate victim of a set-up earlier this year. A coworker gives my email to her friend - who asked for it after a conversation with me that lasted just ong enough for a polite: "This is Amy" and "Nice to meet you." That was about it. So naturally, my coworker assumed there was chemistry. Yeah, right.

I get an email. I politely respond. I get another email. Rinse and repeat.

This continues for several weeks, during which I decide that this individual is most likely not a serial killer -or worse- an Ohio State fan. My coworker sings his praises. And, afterall, he was good-looking too. So I agree to meet him for coffee.

Enter Chandler.

It takes under 5 minutes for me to decide I have absolutely no desire to spend any additional time with this individual. But I'm polite. I listen to him go on, and on -and on- about all the things that make me even less interested. Sure, he's a nice person. There's nothing glaringly wrong with him. But I have no interest. After an hour of torture: Goodbye.

"We shoud hang out again sometime!"

Shit. Did I really just say that? Oh shit, what am I doing!!???

I hope and pray that he was as uninterested as I was.
I get an email the next day: 'When do you want to get together again?' Crap. I reply that I'm pretty busy & not sure when I'll get time. I hope he gets the hint. I get another email: 'I can work around your schedule - just pick a time.'

I'm trapped. I don't want to blow him off - I want to be polite. And more importantly, I want to avoid the torture of having to spend another second with him.

I pick a day with my fingers crossed. He can't make it - he'll be out of town for ten days. Hallelujah! 10 glorious days during which he can forget all about me!

Ten days pass...I get another email. I can't avoid it. I pick a date...he can make it. Crap.

The day arrives...the date is at 6pm. I look at the clock. 4:38pm. How can i get out of this? I open my email...'I'm sick. I'll have to cancel.' It wasn't a complete lie. I was feeling pretty nauseous by then.

This goes on for months. I can't make myself send an email without adding "We'll have to try again" or "Too bad it didn't work...maybe next time." Why must I always end it with the proverbial 'I'll call you?'

Three months from our first coffee, I find myself going to dinner with him. I have to end this once and for all. I have to be uninterested. I have to act miserable...which shouldn't be to hard - since this will be complete and utter torture. But I was raised too well. I carry on nice conversation. I'm polite. I listen attentively. I fail to take the advice of a friend to wear a banana clip and a baggy sweatshirt. The dinner is over. Here is my moment. I CAN DO THIS! I CAN WALK AWAY!

"It was fun...we should hang out again soon."



Just call me Chandler.